Filed under: thoughts
I have to admit, I am often the last to admit it about myself. I am in need of a change, and a risky one at that. I’ve been in the same thing for seven years. Thats the longest ever. I have reached my goals, and I think I am ready to walk away. Its a big thing for me to say, the admit out loud. I don’t quit things, even if they suck my life out, or bring me pain. I just keep going until I break. What with achievement and purpose summing up my worth and all. Its just not doing it for me, and I suppose, it never really has.
I want to be the one who can change course into something meaningful and life-giving BEFORE I lose it. I have given myself, my energy, my emotions; and my creativity has been sapped. I am ready to find myself…but this time, it will be better.
Filed under: stuff
There are many emotional moments in life that I care to never relive again. In fact, I take care to never think of them. But then there are so many that I only have glimmers of images, slowly eroding with time. We never had a video camera growing up, so there are many things that live only in my head. But my recent wedding is not one of those. We had one of Chris’s guys do the filming. It is AMAZING. I have not seen all of it, but he captured so many of the moments, glimpses, details that I longed to remember forever. He was able to capture the feeling of it all. My memories are not deceiving me, it really was the magical.
One of my favorite things was watching my Dad and I walk down the aisle. In that moment, I was trying not to lose it. I was trying to take it all in, capture it, and live it. I looked at the people there, at Chris, and mainly tried not to contort my face. But in my mind, I was a mess, i was visibly nervous, and I thought people were thinking “poor girl”. Watching the real thing, I looked composed, calm, serene even. Dare I say beautiful?
It struck me, how many times I think of what others think, and I always assume the worst. But there was nothing but beauty in that emotional, perfect moment. Just live it.
So anyway…I feel so happy that I can relive that time. That i have something that equals the experience.
Filed under: stuff
What’s not to love about a heart? Here are some hearts from the last year or so…
Filed under: Uncategorized
After 5 shots of novacaine, and then a weird shot that hurt, I was finally pain-free and able to get my filling. However, I did end up a little high. I may or may not have started crying after watching a clip about a performing pig that Christopher taped for me. And I may or may not have begged through those tears for a little pet pig. Oh dear.
Filed under: Uncategorized
I have to get a cavity filled and I really don’t want to. It’s a frustrating reality in my life, that sometimes novacain works, and sometimes it doesn’t. It’s completely unprdictable…and terrifying. I have a fear that I will have surgery and be paralyzed, unable to speak, but able to feel everything. It happens, I saw it on TLC or discovery channel, so it’s real. So anyway, I had fillings right before my wedding and felty everything—really deep fillings—painful. Let’s hope the dope works today!
Filed under: stuff
I have to admit that I think of a lot of things in life in terms of treasure. For instance if I get a bunch of mail at work for anworkload I like accomplishing I say to myself “yes, I got some treasure!” Or let’s say you stumble upon a shirt you forgot about, that’s some classic treasure. I love when I havn’t read a blo in awhile, I go to look and find some posting treasure…always delightful. I don’t know, it just seems magical to find a bunch of something that you like, or a forgotten beauty. These are the things that make ordinary life seem a little more magical.
I had a blog, and I really didn’t like it. It just wasn’t quite right. So I have switched. I feel as though this one will work out a lot better. I think I will warm to it, and actually think to write again.
